Mommy

(From "Panes of the Heart" 2009)

Mommy

I. Adoration

That’s what I spoke to you

Until your last breath

Thats how I knew you

But with few regrets

That’s how I saw you

My comfort, my confidante, my friend

That’s how you were you

To me, until the end./

Yes, I adored you

Sometimes while you were sick

Yes, I revered you

The pulse of love ran thick

Yes, I worshipped you

In life and in memory

Yes, I have taken you

For granted most thoughtlessly.

II. Devotion

While you were alive

I reveled in your compassion

While you were with me

I swelled with your devotion

While you were near me

I never felt lonliness

While you took care of me

I only bled happiness./

When you became ill

I couldn’t fathom that you’d leave

When you weren’t you

It was arduous for me to breathe

When you got sick

I assumed you’d get well

When you didn’t get well

On my imagined horrors I would dwell.

III. Veneration

After you departed

I felt alone and odd

After you went away

I was very angry with God

After you left me

I floundered in self pity

After you went home

I began to worship me./

You, now an element of the afterlife

I was dependent no more

You, now an element of the heavens

I can surely float through celestial doors

You, now a part of Eden

Have abetted me in discerning

You, now a partaker of nirvana

I will never cease my learning…

About you

About me,

About love, and thus

About God.